I’m having one of those moments, lying in bed knowing that in the next day or so I’ll be putting everything at risk on a crag. It’s annoying as before I get to a crag I have a charity event to help run, my grandma’s birthday and my grandparents 60th wedding anniversary to celebrate. My mind however ticks back to focus on Sunday, made worse by not knowing which crag I’m going to, it being my friends birthday. Being the only climber in our group willing / able to lead at the moment with Chris out of the country doesn’t help, there’s an expectation I’ll put up routes, I’ll succeed.
People who haven’t led don’t understand these thoughts, I’m sure for accomplished climbers they can switch off the nagging in their mind, but I can’t. It’s possible to watch our by hour my heart rate creep up and with it my stress levels. I hate being at the whim of someone else choosing a route, I can’t plan, think of gear placement until I’m there.
Sleep doesn’t happen at the best of times, tonight feels a long way away